People should wear white and not black. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. The body usually remains at home until it is taken to the place where it will be cremated. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. The dos as well as the donts are important. We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). Well take you through some examples of condolences or sympathies below and try to iron out whats commonplace or whats appropriate in specific contexts. I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. Sympathy & Funeral Etiquette for Different Religions - Petal Talk Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. This link will open in a new window. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be delivering it at the service. In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. I'm here for you." Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. The last thing the family wants at such a difficult time is advice. Thanks. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. Rather than quoting the Bhagavad Gita directly, you can also take its essence and interpret that into something meaningful. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and The family also . Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. It is worth knowing that they are not always expecting a reply from uswe just need to listen. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. And unlike a phone call or a personal visit, e-mail doesn't require an immediate response from the recipient. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. of an actual attorney. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". Read digital editions of Vanitha, Weekly and more Last Updated Wednesday November 25 2020 03:54 PM IST. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? Here is Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" Offering Condolences: The Right Things to Say at a Funeral Traditionally, the Hindu funeral ceremony involves a ritual burning of the deceased body. Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. This period usually lasts for 10 days. 82 Telok Blangah Dr, #01-43, Singapore 100082, Copyright 2021/22 Funeral Flower Singapore | www.funeralflowerssingapore.com, 199+ Heartfelt and Deepest Condolences Messages For The Bereaved, 50+ Sincere Christian Condolence Message For Loss of Loved One, Funeral Ceremony Traditions of Different Religions in Singapore. All Rights Reserved. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. A mourner may return to a normal work and social schedule after this ceremony. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Malayala Manorama apps - carry the world with you. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. 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It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. Seeing other friends and family members at the service may prompt conversations and shared stories about the deceased, lengthening the time of the visit. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. Hindu Funeral Traditions - Renaissance Funeral Home Good Thinking provides a range of resources to help Londoners improve their mental wellbeing. Bereavement Questions and Answers Emily Post Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. In the Southern state of Tamil Nadu, messaging can go one of two ways when losing a parent. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. Although not a good idea immediately after the passing, subsequent visits with the family can be enlivened by conversation about the good memories we had together with the person. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. Some people are able to manage the delivery of a eulogy with aplomb; others can't even bear to think about doing so. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. If they are in hospital, it is helpful to inform the chaplain about their spiritual needs (with the patients permission). When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. This period of time is rooted in traditional beliefs, with each of the day being divided into "minor days" (4 days for each week). Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. 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Will it be a private or open service? Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. Where would she like the service to take place? Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. is the best and appropriate choice. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. There is a process of letting the deceased go and telling them goodbye with prayers and songs. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. Where would it be held? If you knew him, some kind words about himperhaps an anecdotewould mean a lot. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. Unexpected death, especially of the violent type can result in an emotionally supercharged situation, requiring us to tread very carefully to avoid offending anyone. New threads and replies may not be made here. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. A "shraddha" ceremony. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. After that, the body has to be cremated. They also believe that the souls next incarnation depends on the personskarma (actions during their previous life). In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. (Extra chairs can be made available for the elderly.) Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. Every one of the rituals within the Hindu ceremonies is a reality check to help us confront our grief, interact with it, accept it and keep going on--both in life and spiritually.". I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. What rituals take place before someone dies? All rights reserved. Is 'Leela' an appropriate tamil brahmin name for a baby girl ? And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. Although some people may attend the cremation ceremony, non-Hindus are not allowed to participate in the mukhagni ceremony. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. If a family member has persistent trouble sleeping, help must be summoned. The family would have got over the immediate grief and anger by then, and will be receptive to conversation. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. Can you tell me what exactly happened? APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. It may work for a coworker or friend who has lost their spouse. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. Thats why cremation is preferred. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal It's up to you. Relatives may wish to sit at the patients bedside, sing. For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. The preta-karma serves to assist the soul of the deceased person moves to the new body in the reincarnation cycle. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. Usually, 6-8 people are asked. Support the family with thoughtful and appropriate Hindu sympathy meals, baskets and memorials. 24 hours after the death, the body is taken to the cremation site. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). or the universal soul. That being said, our approach to the bereaved cannot be generalised beyond a point; each situation is unique, as is each family. Bereaved Etiquette for the Loved Ones on the Day of the Funeral After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. There is often an emphasis on white flowers. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Complete Guide to Hindu Funerals - TFS Funeral Flowers Singapore Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief - India Today Talk to your friend's family. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. Hinduism and Bereavement | Good Thinking One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. Atma is beyond space and time. Passing such a negative remark is easy, just like watching cricket on TV and blaming a fielder for dropping a crucial catch the person criticising has no idea how hard it is to be out there performing. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . Please Click Here on how you can do that. The mourning period lasts for 10 days after the death. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. What to Write in a Sympathy Card for a Hindu | Cake Blog The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. (n.d.). Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. May she rest in peace. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. There is no official time frame for writing notes of appreciation to those who have extended their condolences and kindness to you. Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. Traditional Hindu funeral rituals dictate that the mukhagni is only attended by men. Visitors are expected to bring fruit. There is an intense period of mourning immediately following the cremation or burial service which lasts thirteen days. It is better to dress conservatively. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. Below, well use this concept in offering messages for the loss of a child. It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. Work from your dream country on a remote visa, A peek into where heads of various countries reside across the globe, This Diwali, try our tasty banana pudding recipe, Heal Thy Self | Early warning signs you could be in an abusive relationship, On yoga day, Krishnaprabha is an inspiration. Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. Hindu Funeral Traditions | A Good Goodbye Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith.