moving in with mom after dad died moving in with mom after dad died

Well Since that time he has reversed his mind, moved his girlfriend in and invited her on the cruise he offered to take me, my wife, my brother and his wife on while we sat at the hospice the night before my mom died. As a freshman in college at a school two and a half hours away from home, I truly struggled. You can get A Nurse to visit the home 2-3 times a week and an Aide 3 times a week for bathing or bed baths. They have always fought and split all through the years vowing never to speak again. Your mom isn't even 50 yet, she can still get a job and maintain herself. Its something that I cant control and I probably will never like her. #pov after my mom died my dad wants to move to the city. You are correct your dad should not force his new girlfriend on you at this time it is to early. What is wrong with you. All the while he expects me to hang around him and live life with him in it! If he wants these things packed up, family should do it, not girlfriends. I have not felt more alive than when I stepped outside of mycomfort zone to do things I wouldn't have normally done. Which I am sure hurts him but I am hurting too. The first. I did, however, start practicing acceptance and my father never forced me to be ok with anything. Laugh March mom and Dad declared a separation ( Long story short, my 34-year-old big brother a wedge between them). They talk on the phone often and I believe he gave her a really nice Christmas gift! In fall of 2015 my stepfather announced he would be taking the friend on a trip out of the country. I have basically lost my mother, father and sister who is too afraid to stand up to dad and have no parents. I attemped suicide several times, and quit caring anout myself. I had also cried too many nights when I see him suffering for the hurtful things that they had done or said to him the few times that they talk or argue. Last year I suggested that he started dating. She fought so bravely, and had pockets of success, only to be followed by a very quick decline (3 weeks from notice of having months to live). My parents had been married 50 yrs. Besides, honestly, I wanted to see what she looked like. My husband reserved judgement when he first was told about her and believed she couldnt be so bad and that it was the timing that was an issue. Huge fake boobs, huge fake lips, and annorexic-like 95 pounds with these huge double ds that made her look like a porn star. This relationship went off full steam ahead and had to tell us he was in a relationship on my mothers two month anniversary. The complete opposite. 6 months after her death, my father announced that he had been dating a new woman and asked if my wife and I wanted to meet her. He has obviously made a choice to side with his new wife and you have to let it go and let him go. As I said, she so pushy and it was just too much too soon. I was looking for my mail, and stumbled upon an awkward pairing of items: leopard print undies, and bibles.. She is apparently very religious, and my dad is now, too.. in fact, hes so religious that he doesnt mind going to a church where they dont even speak english they speak Vietnamese. I hope that all of you struggling just as I was come to that realization too. Im in such a state. You are married and have a child. I knew he was dating but he had never told me, id even met his girlfriend and he told me she was a friend. Its been five months since she passed but I knew for nearly a year that she was going to die, it was a matter of time and that was that. I thought we were just doing something the two of us and this woman I have never heard of or seen in my life showed up and my dad doesnt introduce her. It has started the grieving process all over again not only with still dealing with the loss of my mother and knowing she wont meet her granddaughter until shes greeted at the pearly gates, but Im now dealing with this so called loss of my fatherof less time etc. You lost someone too. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. My dad has changed with the way he is with me too. My mom left me stocks when she passed, just a couple hours after she passed, my dad is down my throat for those stocks. Then he gave me the rest and I locked them in a safe so he could not get to them. My Mom died December 5th, 2012. I suspect he was dating again within a year after my mom died. Follow My dad passed away from throat cancer in Feb, just 4 months ago. Growing up, I lived with both my parents and I would say we were a very close family. I dont agree with certain behavior of some of the parents and new GF or friends: comments about physical description and sexual nature, lovey dovey demonstration in front of your family, verbal abuse, etc. I came to the hospital every single day without my dad for 2 weeks while she was in excruciating pain. He may be able to fulfill some of the emptiness he has felt and may feel he at least has a purpose to continue his life. 03/10/2020 23:12. Time passed, and my sister and I asked when the party would be so we could plan accordingly. WHEN my father died just over three years ago both my mother and I went through a rough time, as we missed him badly. The best to all of you. Awesome. Shortly after the funeral, the song came on the radio on my way to work, and I absolutely lost it. We had a good relationship with each other. My mom is having a really hard time. From the beginning, Ellen and her mother who was still alive at the time were very pushy with me in terms of trying to establish a relationship that I just simply was not ready for as it was too soon and I had not had time to grieve my Mom. Not. he lied to me before when i asked him of his relationship and goes off to see her whenever he wants. It's normal, but it's unhealthy if you're sitting by yourself for hours, allowing yourself to draw deeper and deeper into that mindset. As for your momif you live so close, go spend as much time as you can with her. I just wanted to say thanks for posting your experiences because its nice to know that I am not alone. So, to say I was blown away by my dads behavior two weeks after my moms funeral, is mild. How common. To say I was shocked beyond words is an understatement. I cannot stress this one enough because I would have never survived anything I've gone through in my life without the friends and family who were by my side through it all. I comfronted her. However, I think it is fair to say that even if she is comfortable financially,which seems unlikely judging by her age, that an opportunity to move to the U.S or even go for an all expenses paid vacation would be seized with open hands. I love my dad but it hurts too much to hear him exclaim his great love for this woman at this point. He had made plans to go out with a group of people and asked what I thought he should do I think he was nervous. We never built a very close relationship while my mother was alive, but now that she's gone we find ourselves calling each other constantly. I feel that he needs to take time and adjust to his new life before he brings someone else into it. I was put in the same position and told I had to be friends with her, be nice, accept here. Her death came as a major shock to us. He constantly talks bad about my mom and then crys over my mom. So i have been living in my parents empty house with all the memories of my mother dealing with everything on my own. The joke Be nice to your kids they get to pick your care home sounds a little sick. She will not allow him to have lunch with me or my daughters. (My sisters name is Julie, too.) I got to hear so many stories I had never heard of, and I felt incredibly connected to my fatherand, unexpectedly, at peace with my grief. I have accepted the situation( he lives at her home since about 3 months after they started dating)and his condo is for sale now), Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. My uncle laughed and said Ellen had my dad whipped. My aunt and uncle dont like Ellen either and I have sometimes talked to them about how I feel about her. My dad spends every waking minute with her when hes not working, and doesnt see me anymore and rushes me off the phone when I call him, and has almost completely quit calling me. Alexandra Eitel graduated from the Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service at Georgetown University with a degree in International Affairs, with a focus on China. After the services concluded, I assumed that my role was to be a constant source of funa natural assumption for a 13-year-old. He said just for companionship and a friend. What I Learned About the Grieving Process, How My Mother's Italian Novels Helped Her Grieve, Mourning the Loss of One's Mother In Quarantine, How I Learned to Love Rom-Coms After Losing My Mom, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. So sent him pictures etc. I also strongly believe in letting a respectable period of time pass before beginning new liaisons, because these events affect everybody in the family, not just the parent this needs to be understood by parent and child. Well, he gets back from the phillipines and just a few months later he lets me know that he is starting the process which takes 4-8 months for her and her two year old son to come here, and that they are going to get married. Her house sold and then all of a sudden she is living in my parents house. She has posted it on her Facebook, and texted my Dad about it. My dad at times had his head down as if he were ashamed or saddened to hear my pained feelings. Heck perhaps they didnt like your husband or wife but didnt treat yall with such coldness, at least i pray they didnt. My mom had known for a while but didnt want me to find out because she wanted me to finish school. Thank you so much for your advice. I mean it is not all about what you want. Your mom died? You could try writing a letter from yourself and your sister because he would have to read it and not interupt or threaten. It was a very long battle as you may be able to tell but she did end up moving on. There was a huge blow out after my wedding because my dad disrespected my wishes to not have his wife as part of my procession. You have an alcoholic father and an abusive mother. Sorry, kid. You're best on your own. Actually, you would be best with your chosen family, the c I empathize with some of you that are hurting first because of the loss of your loved one and also because of your mother or father started a relationship with someone else. In fact, shes quite shameless on that front. People I trust who Ive spoken to about this all say the same thing, to develop some kind of communication with the girlfriend. I felt willing it to her was a stupid decision on his part but there is nothing I can do about it. Her heritage is Italian and she loved to make sauce and meatballs for spaghetti or breaded veal cutlets and huge green salads for our family meals. I am very sensitive to the ACs loss and feelings about the loss of their mother. He felt it was no big deal, couldnt understand why my feelings/my daughters were so hurt, we should get over it, its bullshit (his word)we were so upset etc. We have told him that they are not ready for this. and died that following Monday (we let her go there was a machine breathing for her. Is this normal for your country? When driving back from hospital the other week he asked who would be taking him back the following day. The latest blow has come from a slew of articles that Ive come across, which (1) advise divorced/widowed parents to prioritize the new S.O. Ive never really been close with my father and this seems to be driving more of a wedge between us. So ever since this happened Ive been cordial but I dont accept her. We would go over to each others houses for dinner. I need some advice. It felt so good to get on this website and read that so many other people are experience the same things that I am. Ive always been close to both my parents, so to see my relationship with my father deteriorating due to his marriage hurts. Bachelor and constantly discuss these women he is talking to, showing us their pictures they have sent him on his smart phone, and even dropping vague hints that he has met up with some of them while traveling for work. My mom died of cancer April 2013 and then this month, July 2014, my dad got a lady friend. This because after a meal of her mother 32; just wants to honor of a half. She's had this stability for three decades, she's forgotten who she even was without him. I had bad exam results. Dont do it only for appeasing the feeling of familial obligations. When she decides to go off he is in an especially vile mood due to depression at having been dumped. I believe that a photo of a late husband or wife has a place in a new home. Work was his salvation, and really, the only place he had his own friends or stories to connect himself to. I pray every day for my Mother and for acceptance. You have to remeber they are human. My mom and dad were married for about 45 years and it wasnt always a happy one. My dad died in March. Yes, certainly more culpable if you ignore your young childrens feelings but also for in-laws and adult children too. Finally, we had a 3 hour discussion where I was able to say how I felt about everything for the past 8 years. He always worked or had something to do. I also go everynight after work and cook dinner. Im really not trying to discourage anyone from accepting your own situation (in time) . If someone made that demand of you and my sisterz, you would be screaming bloody murder. Ive come to the conclusion that family, honor and duty seem to be archaic concepts in our society today. Unlike some women who date men so soon; no one could accuse her of trying too hard to fit, in or indeed trying at all! We do not live together.We both had spouses that die under the terrible cancer disease. Dealing with my loss and almost like dealing with the loss of my father as well cause i feel like i never see him. After reading your post I felt like we were kindred sisters! This felt like my father was purposely hurting my mother and myself along with my brother. Yes, it is right to be sensitive. But if you don't have advance notice (or that type of relationship), be gentle with yourself. Is the number one destination for online dating with more My heart eyes goes way up every time she messes up our home, bleaching the carpet, breaking things cuz she mindlessly pulls stuff too hard or carelessly. Then in the late to early 2016 my Mom started loosing weight, Then she went to a gastric doctor who did test after test and said he saw nothing. If I was there I would give you a hug.Listening as you work things out is the best thing a friend could do. She said that she values our opinions but beyond that nothing much was done. .I cant believe I found this website. You are the Girlfriend so you would not understand how their children feel. The next time I saw her was 2 weeks later in the hospital. if I only paid for myself and my husband its be a lot less. He does not listen. Lately I have been trying to show my support but I feel like its all fake. I dont feel I owe her a Mothers Day card as she is not my mother and I could care less about her and my Dads wedding anniversary. I wanted to be there for him and was worried how he would live after being married to Mom for over 50 years. We have a very civil relationship with his wife. I am expected to meet her and spend time with her, and when I do not, I become the outcast. Since I was in the kitchen most of the time cooking and preparing the meal, I didnt even get to talk to him at all. It has crossed my mind that hes in it for his estate or money. About 8 months after my mom died my dad started seeing someone this person that he is seeing was a friend of my mothers back in the day. My dad has said things about his sex life to me as well. She didnt shed one tear at his death bed or funeral and has been out with one of his friends who carried the coffin within weeks of Dads death (only on occasional basis as he has a complicated relationship with someone else whatever) and I have not stopped her. He did not try to do anything and a day or so later said he didnt know who started it. I cant help but wonder why, in my case, someone who has known the WBF for many years and I was in a long-term relationship during that time would the AC not want their father to be happy in a relationship. My mother died suddenly in November 2014. How dare anyone pass judgement on me? it is very hard. She's also very young and has plenty of time to work. My fathers brother saw right through her from day one, and to this day cant fake his disdain for her. I'm so, so sorry for your loss- You sound like an incredible and caring family, and losing a member of that family must be really difficult for all of you. Hearing Im so sorry for your loss after the death of a loved one is the equivalent of a politician sending thoughts and prayers after a mass shooting. SHE IS NOT MY FAMILY. What can I say to her or how can I help her understand that life will still go on without my dad, especially when I am dealing with his loss as well? Its been a little over 4 years since my mothers death. It made the situation so much worse. It has gotten in the way of my grieving somewhat, but I am sure to take time for myself and allow myself to cry as often as I need to. before she was rushed by ambulance to the Hospital. My mom was vivacious and full of laughter and life. Its no good getting mad at the shark because it attacks you. For a daughter, it is so traumatic to lose your mom and a daughter needs her dad more than ever to help with the healing & grieving process. I call him and try to keep in touch and he gives only one word answers to my attempts at conversation. Knowing this, I sought out my dad, and I developed a great relationship with him. It is almost like two deaths in one. I say that because too many people operate as though their actions and choices have nothing to do with their family. Needless to say, my father, sister and I were devastated. It's always hard to deal with the loss of your parents.Im so sorry for your loss. My mother and biological father died within two months of each o It makes sense that She shouldn't make any big decisions (my mom kept talking about selling the house and moving, for example, even though she loves it there) until she is settled down and has adjusted to the new normal. Well, I walked into the church and she was standing there, waiting to begin the procession.